Four Rs of Transformation: Reacting, Reflecting, Reorienting, Responding

Writing Retreat: Day #6 (join us for feedback and clarification)

Below is part of an insta-draft of Lacking Nothing: Quieting an Anxious and Avoidant Faith. I’m posting from our writing retreat to get feedback & clarity. Please support the writing of this book by becoming a paid subscriber.

Photo by Suzanne D. Williams on Unsplash

(This will be part of our introduction)

Have you ever been frustrated by something you repeatedly say or do (or fail to say or do)? Maybe you decide you won’t do it anymore. You decide you’re going to make a change. That old way of behaving is gone and you’re going to do something different the next time you face a similar situation. 

And so you make a plan. Next time, instead of getting defensive when someone offers me feedback, I’ll be grateful to receive an opportunity to grow. But then the feedback comes and you immediately find yourself on the defensive again. 

You’re still reacting. 

You may have heard that reacting is not always a good thing. Instead, we want to respond, to be aware of the many choices in the moment and choose the right response. 

Meditation promises the ability to pause long enough to avoid reacting. There are significant new studies showing that practicing meditation can decrease your brain’s tendency to react and increase your capacity to respond in the moment. You can decrease your stress and anxiety and increase feelings of peace and calm by detaching from the world around you. Mediation is about releasing your attachments and letting go. And this is a great start. But this book is not about meditation.

It’s certainly true that we are all attached to things that are not bringing us life. And it’s definitely essential that we learn to release those attachments.

But the goal is not detachment. The goal is to become more deeply attached. Because it’s in relationship with the One who made you that you find life and peace and the ability to make great choices, free of reactivity.

And that’s what we’ll focus on in this book. We’re going to explore your deepest desires, your earliest formation, your internal sense of things, and the motivations beneath your behaviors. 

And we’re offering you a path of transformation that goes through four stages: React, Reflect, Re-orient, and Respond. These four stages will also be the structure of the book.

If you aren’t already, please join us for the journey and help support the writing of this book by becoming a paid subscriber.