How Jesus Saves Us From An Insecure Attachment History
Or, "Crying Out For a New Family"
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An insecure attachment history doesn’t have to become a prison of personal destiny.
You don’t have an insecure attachment personality.
You have an insecure attachment history that learned to survive in an environment corrupted by sin.
You don’t have an insecure attachment style.
You have an insecure attachment strategy that you developed to survive in an environment corrupted by sin.
The Prison of Insecure Attachment
These attachment environments of sin and death—of shame, neglect, and abuse—are part of what Paul calls
the “power of darkness” (Col. 1:13)
the “present evil age” (Gal. 1:4)
and the “dominion of death” (Rom. 5:14, 21).
Indeed, our struggle “is not against enemies of blood and flesh”…
but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. (Eph. 6:12).
The prisons of our insecure attachment histories (solidify into attachment “styles”) are part of this dominion of death, governed by spiritual powers and authorities.
Crying Out For a New Family (Securely Attached)
But these insecure attachments springing out of sinful environments, don’t have to be our destinies.
The GOOD NEWS is that…
4 But when the fullness of time had come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, 5 in order to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as children. 6 And because you are children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, ‘Abba! Father!’ 7 So you are no longer a slave but a child, and if a child then also an heir, through God. (Galatians 4:4-7)
The “law” that we’ve been born under is the perpetuating cycles of insecure attachment that lead us into the jungles (anxious) and deserts (avoidant) of insecure attachment.
To be “redeemed” or “rescued” from this law of insecure attachment is to join a new family, to receive a new secure attachment.
SALVATION IS…
To be adopted, not just tolerated as a troubled child.
To cry out “Father” as a cherished child, not just told to be silent.
To know that “Our Father” is available, not just distant and aloof.
By the Spirit of the Son of God, we too can cry out “Abba! Father!”
In Jesus, we are no longer a slave to our attachment histories.
We are adopted children, living “by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Gal. 2:20).
Learn about the ATTACHING TO GOD Beyond Anxious and Avoidant Spiritualities Learning Cohort (forming soon).
What I’m not saying
I’m not saying we can comprehensively reduce the story of salvation into categories of attachment theory—that “sin”, “redemption”, “grace” and “forgiveness” should be reinterpreted by psychological modes of thinking.
This would be to capitulate to our “therapeutic culture” and distort theology and the gospel (a mistake that progressive Christians make all too often when they start using therapeutic language to understand (aka, replace) faith.
So “sin”, no matter how we understand the word,
is certainly psychological (attachment pain and trauma),
but it is also moral (it is breaking a real law),
which makes it social, communal, and legal,
which means that ultimately, sin is also a spiritual and cosmic reality
because God is a real, personal, communal, and moral being in whom we live, and move, and have our being (Acts 17:28).
The Gospel is Bigger than Attachment Theory, but Not Less
Indeed, Paul states that Jesus
“gave himself for our sins to set us free from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father” (Galatians 1:4),
so that we would no longer be
“enslaved to the elemental spirits of the world” (Galatians 4:3 [and 9]).
And again, Jesus
“has rescued us from the power of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of his beloved Son, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Colossians 1:13-14).
Trapping us in the prison of insecure attachment is one tool (a main tool) by which sin and death capture us, imprison us, and enslave us.
But thanks be to God, who rescues us from this prison of death through Jesus! (Romans 7: 24-25).
Geoff, I really like this piece. It puts attachment inside the container of the Gospel. It describes, well, my journey. I get to be 75 this year. I was 66 the first time attachment or attachment theory was suggested. Which started a Bruce Perry style "what happened to me?" project. I'm born in 1948, the birth process set up this complicated distorted attachment experience. Mary Ainsworth marries in 1950, moves to London and connects with John Bowlby. My entire life has been running along side the research and here we are, the week of April 16, 2023 and I'm about to enter not one but two classes IN GOSPEL CONTEXT talking about attachment. AND yours specifically about the possibility of it's NOT a prison, it's a strategy that can change the ending of my story.
There is a God. He sees me. And Thanks be to Him.
You can't remember a time when women were not considered, at least in theory, equal to men. But I was 25 before Ruth Bader Ginsberg argued before the supreme court. The mid 70's the feminist movement was just getting off the ground. Now, with practically every woman wanting paid employment we have generations of people who were not formed "optimally" as Dan Siegle likes to say. So what you are suggesting means a lot of work for psychologists helping people change their strategy for experiencing life well. Changing the ending of their story. And "pastors" who, even though the Gospel is about relating well, have no education on human development and relating.
I found you accidentally or coincidentally. You were interviewed on Gravity Leadership. But NOW it's looking providential. Because I certainly don't want to die before understanding the hope you are going to explain! What a waste all this would have been!!!
Thank you for your work!
ginger
Wow, this is eye-opening. Really great stuff. I love the re-framing and seeing attachment theory from a biblical lens.