How Does the Fear of God and The Marshmallow Experiment Connect?

Or, when fear isn't about being afraid but paying attention

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Noticing the Signs or the Storm

Driving between Grand Rapids and Chicago, there is a stretch of I-94 that is full of billboards for gentlemen’s clubs (suggestive pictures and all). It is sign after sign for about 10 miles. You have to focus on not focusing on them.

 But when a bad midwestern storm hits while I’m driving it takes no work at all not to focus on them.

Why?

Because my attention is totally consumed with driving in the dangerous conditions. Where the other cars? Should I slow down more? What is that semi-truck about to do?

It is a question of what is demanding my attention in the moment. 

Fearing God ≠ Afraid of God or In Awe of God

Psalm 111:10 and Proverbs 9:10 say that “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” Preachers and teachers are quick to say this doesn’t mean we should be afraid of God. God isn’t scary or frightening. 

And they are right. 

People will then say that fearing God means we should be in awe of God, we should respect and reverence God. As the angels cry, “Holy Holy Holy” (Is. 6:3), we should be awed and overwhelmed by God’s might and majesty. 

And they are right. 

But this still doesn’t quite get the sense of fear God or fear the Lord.

To fear the Lord is much closer to being attached to God, where we turn to God in distress, run to God as our refuge, and expect God to help us because God loves us. 

To fear the Lord is to pay attention to God. 

But first, marshmallows.

The Stanford Marshmallow Experiments

How do kids learn to sit still and wait patiently (if they ever do)?

This is where the experiment comes in, all about delayed gratification.

In the test, a marshmallow (or some other desirable treat) was placed in front of a child, and the child was told they could get a second treat if they just resisted temptation for 15 minutes. If they succumbed to the devilish pull of sugar, they only got the one. (article)

These 4-year-old kids were tracked for about 30 years. The results were that “on average, the kids who could wait longer for another marshmallow were found to have higher SAT scores and got along better with others, used drugs at lower rates as young adults, and even had lower body mass indexes 30 years later.”

At first, researchers thought they were measuring how much self-control the child had. But they later found that the children who could delay gratification were actually better at distracting themselves from the marshmallow.

They found that it was a matter of paying attention. 

If a kid was focused on the marshmallow, then sooner or later they would eat it (even if they intended to wait). But those who distracted themselves by telling stories, creating a silly game to play as they waited, or just turned their chairs around, they would do much better. They focused on something else (see “Attention in Delay of Gratification”). 

Fearing God is like this. Fearing God is a question of who you are paying attention to. And who you are paying attention to is who you are attached to (see “4 Reasons Why Spiritual Formation Needs Attachment Theory”). 

Fearing God is Being Attached to God: The Psalms

To fear God is a response to God’s love for us. 

The attachment nature of the fear of the Lord is clear in Psalm 103.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him…
13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;

That the Lord is attentive and attuned to us, and that we can go to God in our distress—as one would with an attachment figure— is seen in Psalm 34.

8 Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing.
15 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry…
17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.

Like an attuned parent, God sees and hears us. As an attached child, we should look and listen to God—and to no one else. This is what it means to fear God. 

Lastly, to be attached to God—to fear God—means we do not need to fear anything else. See how Psalm 112 connects fearing the Lord and having no others fears. 

1 Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who find great delight in his commands…
6  Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever.
7 They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
8 Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear.

Their hearts are steadfast and secure!
Isn’t that what we want?
To be securely attached to God?

Learn about the ATTACHING TO GOD Beyond Anxious and Avoidant Spiritualities Learning Cohort (new ones forming soon).

What Are You Paying Attention To?

So the fear of the Lord isn’t about what you are afraid of. And it isn’t even about what you are in awe of.

It is about paying attention. 
It is about who you love.
And where you place your faith.

The more we fear the Lord, the more we look and listen for the one who looks after us, the more the cares of the world fall away, the more the temptations of this world fade away.

The more we fear the Lord, the more we will love others, ourselves, and God. The right kind of fear of God moves us away from our protective strategies and more into connective service.